My lola died this morning. I stayed in bed all day. I tried to keep myself busy by watching Orange is the New Black and playing Harvest Town, because everytime I stopped, thoughts of my lola would come rushing in and I'd go back to crying again. The sad thing is that we can't even see her. She didn't die of COVID, but my dad and his siblings decided that they will have her cremated. Maybe it would hurt too much to see her like that, I don't know. I don't blame them. Baka hindi ko rin kayanin.
Her body is in Pampanga since that's where she lived, far from most of us. I'd text her once in a while but when I checked earlier today, I haven't done so in over a month. I miss you, Lol. I'm sorry.
Today was a roller coaster of emotions. I cried so much today. I'm crying right now. I hope you're in a better place now, Lol. It's the only thing that's making me smile, the thought that you're no longer in pain. Thank you for everything. I'll miss your hugs. You always gave the best ones.